Loneliness

I knew that moving abroad would not be the easiest experience, especially doing it alone. I never expected such a prolonged loneliness for most of my time here. The thing is, I do have friends and people I enjoy hanging out with. I have a great time when I am with people. There are things that are haunting me from home. Of course, first, I am homesick. Not even for anything specific, just homesick. Two, my family issues. Don't need to go into those, but needless to say, being a million miles from home does not make these problems go away. Nor have my relationship problems changed being in a country where I am supposed to be "exotic"...yeah, fuck that. No one cares. Not like Russia is really pick of the litter for men in the first place. Mullets, pointy fairy shoes, alcoholism, bad teeth, these are just some of the problems with finding a suitable partner.

One more problem I'm finding is the complete lack of direction for my future. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. And, even though I have many reasons for coming here in the first place, none of them make sense. I am just getting older and lonelier here. God, what a fucking pity party my life has become.